Devotional Preview

Peaceful view from the campground we are currently living at.

Hello dear friends! I am attempting to write out a daily devotional. I wanted to share a sneak peek with y'all. Hope it makes you excited for the full devotional. Please let me know what you think.

  Grace for the Sinner

Sometimes, words take longer for me to obtain. I must dig a little deeper and sit and mull. Other times they just seem to flow freely, without objection. When words are easy and then suddenly, I run into a roadblock, it can be disheartening at times. It feels like something must be wrong with me. I was writing this daily devotional with ease up to this point. Then I sat and mulled for two weeks. It’s been frustrating. I actually read through Colossians last week; there is a ton to hear in that book about grace. I encourage you to do the homework this week. Hopefully it’ll be as encouraging to you as it was to me.

I have been stuck for a while on whether grace is extended to all people. See, I think there’s a part of me that is still convinced we must somehow earn grace. I do believe mercy is offered to all; however, I think grace is only extended to those who have accepted Christ. When we accept Christ, His blood completely covers our sin. We are no longer sinners. So that title was throwing me off a bit, “Grace for the Sinner”. I decided to keep it because I think it’s good to stay humble, we are sinners. There is nothing I have done to earn grace. Therefore, I as a sinner am offered grace simply because of Christ. So, there is, in a manner of speaking, grace for the sinner.

That’s powerful.

I’ve gone most of my life desperately seeking acceptance. I always feared not being enough to earn anyone’s love. I tried and I tried, and it felt at times like some people I watched got it so easy while I continuously fell flat on my face. A part of me resented my sister. See, in my eyes, she was always better. More friendly. More outgoing. More talented. More desirable. When I went to college, it was during a very difficult season of my family’s life. There was a nasty divorce separating a worship leader (my dad) and an influential woman of the homeschool community (my mom). Leaders in their community seem to have a lot more pressure to work things out and when they don’t sometimes it seems all hell breaks loose as they try to “save face”. Sometimes, the kids pay an even higher price often left unseen due to these masks put on by social pressures. I was on the president’s list at the college at the age of 16. I was trying to forge a name for myself that would earn my family’s pride. However, because of the trying times, I was often accused of things I didn’t do. Granted, I was letting loose a little more than this tightly buttoned responsible gal ever had before. Some would say I had a right to with everything going on. However, there is a big difference in a teenager going to a bonfire with complete strangers and a teenager being accused of drug abuse. It felt like perhaps I was the scapegoat for all the things going wrong in our lives. Although I would try to say, “Yes, I went on a date at a bonfire when I agreed to only courtship”; but because of the dramatics, my parents would only hear the very worst or even come up with their own conclusions of what actually happened. It hurt.

To this day, they often believe their own conclusions rather than me. That hurts even more.

This only added to my idea that I could never be enough. I could never compare. I fell out of my parents’ grace. I was no longer accepted by them. At times, that little thorn still pricks and I will convince myself that the only reason my family still talks to me is because of my kids. I failed them when I eloped with my husband and had kids young (at 21) when I had promised to not get married till after 25. I failed them when I graduated from an online college after delivering my 3rd child, because there wasn’t even a ceremony for them to attend. I failed them by not homeschooling my kids in the same way that my incredible mother did. I am not accepted. But my kids are awesome, they all see that, and I am their mom, so perhaps they can just ignore all my failures to see my kids.

It's easy to see the flaws in someone’s ideas when you are on the outside looking in.

But these are prickly thorns in my heart. Lies, deeply embedded and occasionally twisted to keep me enslaved to codependency.

Do you know the symptoms of codependency? A deep-seated need for approval from others, neglecting your own needs because you feel responsible to meet the needs of others, feeling responsible for other people’s emotions and behaviors.

Perhaps, that is why grace is so difficult for me to understand. Grace is the complete opposite of codependency.

Grace says I do not need to earn approval because God has already accepted me.

Grace says I am a child of God, chosen, holy and dearly loved.

Grace says I do not need to do; I need to be still and know God.

Grace says my actions do not define me; God does.

Grace says I do not need to earn love; love is already given to me.

Grace says I do not need to free myself; I am already redeemed.

Grace says the opposite of everything I have believed about myself for so many years.

Here are some more scriptures about what God says about me, some are still taking time for me to recognize as truth:

I am wonderfully and fearfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

I have been set free, redeemed. (Romans 3:24, 1 John 1:9)

I am chosen. I am holy. I am dearly loved. (1 Peter 2:9, Colossians 3:12)

I am a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:7)

I have a purpose. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am a conqueror. (Romans 8:37)

I am being transformed. (Romans 12:2)

I am an overcomer. (1 John 4:4)

Please do some digging and find some more positive affirmations about who God says you are by His grace. Post them somewhere you can see them daily. Satan will try to diminish these powerful words; tell us they aren’t true. Do we believe scripture or not?

There is another side to this coin though. Yes, some of us recognize our own depravity. It is blatantly evident in our eyes. However, there are some who have built a very tough exterior and they tell themselves a completely different message.

I heard this message from my great grandmother. She had a heart attack which left her requiring daily assistance. I had agreed to move from San Antonio to El Paso for the foreseeable future since she was throwing a fit about having a stranger in her home from hospice. I’m not a stranger though and I figured she may more readily accept my help. My great grandmother was a very stubborn woman. She only accepted my help when I enforced it. However, there were things I tried to let her do on her own because I figured it must be very difficult to go from completely independent to realizing you are getting old. I was excited to possibly have some good meaningful conversations about Christ with my great grandma, I had hoped I could witness to her by being the hands and feet of Jesus.

The first night I got there, I had one terrifying dream which led to me to having boldness first thing in the morning. I said straight to her face something along the lines of how Jesus loves her, and I would love for her to be in heaven with me, but she needed to first accept His love. I’ll never forget the fire in her eyes as she turned to me and said with indignance, “I have lived almost one hundred years and have never needed your Jesus.” It broke my heart. She got up to grab a protein drink out of the fridge, instead she had an episode and was gone within ten minutes of saying that. As I sat there on the kitchen floor performing CPR and pleading that the ambulance would come a little quicker, I saw her eyes. It felt like I could see a vision in her eyes: she on a bridge between life and death. She didn’t want to go in the direction she was going because in that moment she realized how terrible it was. I felt like I could literally smell the sulfur in the air around us, the complete and utter terror in her eyes, the regret bleeding on the ground around us. It was one of the most real encounters I have ever had with the afterlife. She had said she didn’t need my Jesus, but in that moment, I knew that she knew how wrong she was, and it broke my heart.

It shattered me.

For weeks afterward all I could do was walk. Somedays I would walk miles upon miles until I realized I might be lost. I knew I was processing but at the time it felt like it was too much to process. After witnessing the swift wrath of God, I wondered was He truly good? We will be discussing this more in a further devotional because there’s too much to break down here, but I do want to point out this one fact:

Grace requires humility.

Perhaps, one of the greatest holds that Satan has on our culture is the twisted definition of acceptance. See, we are taught that if one cannot affirm our choices or beliefs then we are thereby rejected as a person. Unfortunately, this concept has bled into many churches as well. So, they then try to say, God is ok with the lifestyle you live because He simply wants you. It’s almost like they gave up trying to redefine this rejection. Who ever said that our choices must define us? Isn’t that the heavy cross that Jesus says we no longer must carry, that shame? What if we can come to a place where we recognize our choices do not define who we are?

See, I think the world is looking for more than just acceptance. I believe they are hoping for approval. Acceptance is all about embracing a person, as they are, sin and all. One can be accepted without endorsing what they do. Approval, however, means to affirm or agree with their choices and actions. People want to be told that what they are doing is good, right or praiseworthy.

Grace does not approve; it reproves and improves.

Grace requires truth.

Grace is acceptance. It accepts the person, but it also acknowledges the sin.

If grace is shown without truth – without calling sin what it is – it risks becoming mere approval, a counterfeit grace that avoids confrontation or repentance.

Many who are stuck in their pride demand that grace must be approval. And to prove this even further, they twist scripture to say that “my truth may not be your truth”. This statement goes against the very foundations of apologetics. Truth is truth. Many will vehemently grasp onto their denial though and try to twist truth to fit what feels most comfortable to them.

My grandmother’s pride demanded approval when she simply needed truth to be accepted on that bridge. I pray, with all my heart, that pride does not keep you from that same acceptance.

We must acknowledge and admit our shortcomings.

Yes, God does say some beautiful, lovely things about us as His children. However, He does not approve of sin.

Grace says you are loved, even in your mess. It doesn’t deny your mess.

Grace says you are called into purpose!

Grace says you are no longer defined by your sin, you are no longer enslaved to it, so why stay in it?

Yes, this change is scary and uncomfortable. It may feel like it would be putting yourself into a prison cell of “godly expectations”. That’s what Satan wants you to believe. Sad part is, you are already in the prison cell and grace is calling you out into freedom. Why else do you think the world demands approval so loudly? They want someone to say that the life they feel stuck in is ok, because deep down they themselves know its not.

God says:

Sin affects us all (Romans 3:23)

Sin earns death (Romans 6:23)

Sin is following your desires (James 1:14-15) - yes it says evil desires, but consider, if we are all sinners by nature then these evil desires are technically our natural desires... and for those stuck in a prosperity movement, I want you to hear me very clearly. God redefines our desires according to His heart. Perhaps what you think you "deserve" or need, you actually don't which is why God says no to us at times. Our internal compass is broken without God's transformation (Jeremiah 17:9)

Sin distances us from God (Isaiah 59:2)

Sin is deceptive (Proverbs 14:12)

Sin enslaves (John 8:34)

Sin deceives (1 John 1:8-9)

Sin hates exposure (John 3:19-20)

"If you abide in my Word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Whoever commits sin is a slave to sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:31-32,34-36)

That is grace for the sinner.